Confessions of a Pastors Wife

Just Be Yourself Everywhere

I have heard Christian girls, even Christian leaders say… I would never where that low cut top to church, or I would never wear that sexy dress to church.  I would wear that if I was on a date with my husband, or out with friends or on vacation but I would never wear that to church. If you feel that something your wearing is not appropriate for church then why would it be appropriate somewhere else?

It’s not like going on a date with your husband is private. You are still in the sight of other men and women. When you are away on vacation you are still the same person. You still carry the mantle of leadership, the character of Christ and the mission of furthering His kingdom. So why would it be ok to dress more scandalously? Is it just because no one you go to church with would see you? Does that sound as ridiculous to your ears as it does to mine?

Wear what you want… Wear what you are comfortable in… Wear the same clothes out of church as you would wear to church… Be who you are called to be in every facet of your life including the way you dress.

Ezekiel 16:15 "But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his."

Women are Sexy

Women are sexy, God created us that way. From the shape of our bodies, to our soft, hairless skin, to our hippy walk, we were created sexy.  For all of times Christian women have felt like to be sexy was a sin. We have been sent messages that in order to be Godly we must cover the beautiful curves God gave us and keep our heads down a little so as not to attract any attention from men.

Well the reality is… covered or not men are going to be attracted to beauty and to curves because that’s how God made them. God gave us marriage so we could exercise both the sexiness of being female with the sexual drive of being male in a covenantal relationship.

Books like Captivating have really helped women to embrace their God-given beauty and celebrate it rather than hide it. The Old Testament is full of stories about beautiful women and the power they possess. Beauty is power, it always has been and it always will be.  A man once told me that a woman could use sexual power to make a man do almost anything. As Christian women must use this power appropriately and if you are in any form of leadership you must be very aware of how quickly something God intended for good can be used for evil.  Jezebel… need I say more.

Women who desire Christ at the centre of their lives must follow a different set of criteria than that of Hollywood, fashion magazines and culture in general.  Sexy is not bad or evil but it’s meant for your husband. If you are married yet dress in a way that entices men sexually then you are using your God given beauty inappropriately. So be wise and heir on the side of modesty every time.

If you are not yet married then your beauty can attract the attention of men for the purpose of meeting the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with.  What you want to think about is what kind of man do you want to attract?

Once again, this topic is so subjective and do not interpret my opinions as law. These are merely guidelines, something to think about. I do not waste time looking at the people around me judging them for what they wear, the magazines they read or the brands they buy. I love my Prada bag but I just don’t make a big deal about it. I can take it or leave it and I think that is the point. Don’t waste time letting this stuff have a hold on you. Whether you need it and buy it or you wish you could and feel like less because you don’t have it. It’s not worth it. It’s truly meaningless. It’s fun to shop, and get dressed and by brands but it doesn’t mean anything in light of eternity. Just like many other things in life, so don't get caught up in it all.

1 Peter 1:24 "ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS, AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF GRASS. THE GRASS WITHERS, AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF."

What Are You Trying to Say?

The way you dress communicates something. What are you trying to communicate by the way you look? In order to honestly answer this question you do have to consider how others could interpret your clothes.  It’s impossible to answer this accurately for every person but it’s something you need to consider especially if you are in leadership, running a business, or in Ministry.

What you wear should be authentic to who you are and the message your life is trying to send. You do not want the way you dress to be a distraction to the message you are trying to communicate.  Leadership comes with it the responsibility to take people higher, to lead them. The way we dress must promote this message. Leaders who get too caught up in appearance and fashion run the risk in leading people to become image driven rather than authenticity driven.

The people you lead will value what you value, the people who you have the most influence over will often imitate what they see on the outside as a first step to becoming like you. This is great when people are emulating values like spending time with God, prayer, and fasting, placing family as a priority, personal leadership development, or physical health. But if what they are imitating is our how we dress, how we love to shop and spend, how we cut our hair, our make up jewelry and shoes we are leading people down a never ending road of I am not good enough and I need more, more, more.   It’s our responsibility as leaders to lead people towards what really matters in life… God, family, honesty, health, generosity and the list goes on. 

We live in a culture where so much emphasis is placed on what we wear and what we look like. When we get sucked into that we lose sight of what is really important in a “kingdom of God” minded life. Beauty is fleeting, when we come before God in personal time with Him, He doesn’t look on the outside He looks at our heart. Which means we should be spending far more energy on our heart, our motives, our intentions, and our purpose than covering our heart with a message that is not who we really are.

1 Timothy 2:9 "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety"

My TV Debut

There is more to come next week in the Modesty Series but today I wanted to share with you one of my adventures in NYC.

Last weekend my sister in law and I took Jason's Mom to New York City to Celebrate a monumental Birthday in her life. She is the coolest, most fun Mom you could ever imagine. She is up for anything and has more energy than her daughters.

Last Friday we were on Live with Regis and Kelly. We were a part of the audience and it was a great experience. When we first arrived to the studio at 7:15am there was a huge line down the side of the building. Kim told the security guard we were on the list and he put us in a VIP line ahead of the entire crowd. It takes about a year to get tickets to the show in advance but when Kim called they gave her tickets against policy only a couple of weeks before we went.

From the VIP line we went to a VIP lounge in the lobby while we waited to go into the studio. Because we were at the front of the VIP line we got front row seats in the studio. Their desk was only a few feet from us and Gilman was literally tripping over Kim.

We were wondering who the guest host would be because Regis takes Friday's off. Mom would have loved to see Regis but second to him she was hoping for Anderson Cooper and I would have liked to see Jeff Probst.  Moments later the show began and out comes Regis... they must have known Mom would be there that day.

Regis and Kelly both came over to meet us by name. They wished Mom a Happy Birthday and asked us where we were from.  They taped one segment of the show right in front of us, so we are in the shot on live TV.

I pulled the old lean into the camera... even though we all promised we be like "those" people who wave and lean into the camera shot. Hey... this was my Television debut and I just couldn't let the opportunity pass me by. Afterall... How else will I get discovered? Just joking now... but let me tell you... that will not be the last time you see me on TV.

Have you ever been on TV?

Watch it here - Look just behind Regis and Kelly and you will see me lean into the shot and my sister in law on the other side. It's pretty funny.

A Woman Worthy of Praise – Part Two

When I think of women I know who fear the Lord… there beauty surpasses a realm of natural understanding. They would be by passed in a crowd but if we took a moment to look in their eyes they will pierce you with a purity and strength that no amount of make-up can provide. We all know women like that.

These women… these women who fear the Lord and are worthy of praise do not struggle with issues of vanity, fashion or deep insecurity in their physical beauty. They know who they are in Christ, they are humble before Him, they are women of integrity and character, they spend more time getting to know God then thinking about what they are going to buy next or how they look.

Ladies… these women are not the women that our culture celebrates and praises. We are inundated with images and messages that tell us we have to keep up with cultures standard of vanity but those are lies to distract us from our purpose. Each of us has a powerful and significant destiny waiting to unfold in our lives. Those dreams that you dream are not even the tip of the ice burg of what God can do with your life but so many women are limited by vanity.  We have bought into a cultural standard of modesty and beauty that is limited our effectiveness eternally.

That is not to say that women who are influenced by Hollywood cannot fulfill their purpose but I do believe that the more time a women spend on her exterior the more of a distraction that exterior becomes to the fullness of what God has.  Ladies… you were created for so much more than shoes, glitter and the latest trends or name brands. The mission is too great to get distracted by needing to shop and get a new outfit for Sunday. The mission is to important to devote any attention to something that will only lead you to feel like you don’t have enough and you need more.

1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."

The picture is my late Nanny... a women who feared the Lord and was worthy of praise.

A Woman Worthy of Praise

Judge not least you be judged is something I consider when tackling the subject of modesty and appearance. The rights and the wrongs of this area within culture and for a Christ follower are so subjective. It’s difficult to interpret the Bible’s standards on this subject because many of those standards were culturally written for that time. However there are a few important keys the Bible focuses on to help us stay healthy and free in the area of self esteem, self worth and how that manifests in how we look.

I don’t think this subject is healthy to focus a lot of attention on because it’s an endless quest for more. There will always be someone thinner, there will always be someone prettier, and there will always be someone more fashionable. Therefore the road of fashion, beauty and vanity are temporal and fleeting.

Inside of each of us there is a longing to be significant. So many women get caught in achieving this quest for significance through their appearance.  But significance based on appearance is a painful road guaranteed to end in disillusionment and insecurity.  Proverbs 31:30 says "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Yet in North America we don’t really praise those who “fear the Lord” we praise those who are thin, beautiful and fashionable. We praise those who get boob jobs and botox, we praise those who are wearing Lulu Lemon, Prada or Jimmy Choo.  We praise those who are bound by the way they look. People that allow their looks to occupy the majority of their time and thought are the ones we want to be like. We want their money, their cars, their homes and their famous life of praise and recognition.  It’s hard not to when it’s thrown in our face in every form of media outlet we have.

We even allow our children to buy into this empty world. The world of Miley Cirrus and the Jonas Brothers. Adorable - yes… talented - yes… marketed – incredibly well… but role models – no… These are not the people we want our kids emulating. These people are not real; they are images of marketing geniuses that want to make lots and lots of money off of us. When we allow our kids to look up to these super-stars we are starting them down the empty road of I am not good enough and I need more to be happy.  Trust me… our kids are going to grow up and have to deal with enough of  this stuff as they grow and mature but to put that on them as young as 4 and 5 years old is just not wise. The bottom line is, we were created for so much more than this… and so were our kids.

Please do not misunderstand me... I am not anti-Hanna Montana or anything... She's cute. My 4 year old daughter likes her, but we don't make a big deal about her. We don't talk about her or put her on a pedestal. She is on TV just like Strawberry Shortcake and Dora. But this is not someone I want my daughter to want to be like. My girls have such a bigger purpose to fulfill than to be side tracked by a message that says reduces them to base their self esteem on the way they look.

A Series On Modesty in Fashion

I just want to start this series by saying I hate talking about this subject. I hate it because I think it’s a waste of time. I think there are far more meaningful and important things to talk about than fashion and how so and so is dressing inappropriately. Can’t we all just get along?

Girls are the worst. They judge each other based on appearance and thus continue the vicious cycle of what we wear is who we are. Obsession with more… more thin, more stylish, more clothes, more shoes… it’s a never-ending road that we will never conquer. There will always be someone who is prettier, more stylish, who has a better body and I say so what? Who really cares… it’s doesn’t mean anything.

I personally refuse to make judgments based on style, fashion clothing or hair. Of course I have
preferences, things I like, colours I like, trends I like, but so what… I do not expect anyone else to change just because I don’t like something.  I will not waste my brain space thinking about how others look. I just don’t care that much. I would rather focus on who they are, and try to discover their passions and strengths, than the brands they might be wearing.

But, I am going to talk about this subject because it comes up all the time. We are inundated with how we look but please don’t email me and tell me I am being judgmental, or legalistic or too loosy-goosy. It’s not that I am not interested in your feedback, I love feedback. But keep your feedback about yourself and not about your opinions of others or your opinions about my opinions. 

We will all stand before God one day and we will not be able to point the finger at anyone else and say… Did you see what she was wearing? Fashion and modesty are subjective issues,that we must be accountable for between us and God. It's personal. I will share my opinions but my opinions are not Gospel… they are subjective. Take them or leave them. Read them or don’t… but at the end of the day can we please stop pointing the finger at others and just continue to grow and invest in our own emotional and spiritual health.

Every minute you waste being offended by what someone is wearing, you hinder the Kingdom of God from being furthered on earth. Focus on things that are good and lovely and holy and true, not how someone chooses to dress... that is their business. You are too valuable to God, you are too valuable to His kingdom to waste one breath, one thought, on judging someone based on their appearance. You were created for so much more.

Tomorrow's Post - A Woman Worthy of Praise - Part One

Our Home For Sale

Our house hit the market at 1pm today. If you ever wanted to get a peek into our lives, here you go :-) Oh, and if you know anyone who wants to buy a house...pass this along.

Here are the details...

$239,900 (MLS # 712226)
Executive condo townhome in fabulous Chapel Hill area. Sunny South Western exposure fills this home with warm natural light. Open concept living/dining rooms & large eat-in kitchen with access to yard. Updated luxurious ensuite with whirlpool bath & separate shower. Fully finished lower level features huge recreation room & play room. Perfect starter home on quiet child friendly street. **Other Inclusions in condo fees are grass cutting & landscaping!!

Broadloom flooring
Close to shopping
Public transportation access
Near schools
Patio/deck
Family room
Eat-in kitchen
Finished basement
Central A/C
Fireplace
Gas heating

For more info click here.

Super Busy

Ok.... crazy week...

I love to be busy... I thrive in busy... What about you? Do love to be busy or do you need your down time?

Anyways... we bought a house this week... now we have to trust God for ours to sell...

Of course I will tell you all about it... It was a remarkable process and all I can say is God knows the desires of your heart. He knows an if we wait, if we trust, He will bring us more than we would have settled for.

I will be off the blog this week but I have a great series on Modesty and Style coming next week. Our house miracle will be up soon too.

I am off to New York City, for a girls trip with no kids... Yeah!

How Do I Multiply My Group?

I have had the same people in my small group for years. I want to grow and include others but some people in the group don’t want that… they like it just the way it is. What should I do?

God is a God of multiplication. Those who have been with me since the beginning of this incredible Lifegroup journey know this is a word I use often and believe with all my heart. God is not simply into addition He is into multiplication. So we need to cast a vision of multiplication to our groups every chance we get. At first your groups might respond negatively to the idea of multiplication. After all they may have had a bad experience with multiplication (been there done that 3 times over) but the bigger reason holding them back is that they don't believe they could ever lead a group.

Every person in your groups has the potential to lead their own group. I know you are probably thinking of that one who is not yet saved or that other one that doesn't even come to your church but let me say it again... EVERY PERSON IN YOUR GROUP HAS THE POTENTIAL TO LEAD THEIR OWN GROUP.  Whatever is standing in their way from getting there is not your responsibility.  We just need to start and keep casting a vision of multiplication every week, inspiring them to believe that they have the potential to make a significant difference.

When I started with the group of ladies I am have now I felt hindered because some of the were not saved, some of them did not come to our church, some of them had this major struggle... BLAH BLAH excuse excuse... One year later these ladies are not the same women God has done something so profound and powerful in their lives and they are truly at the place that they could each have their own groups.  When we cast vision like that we are looking ahead with eyes of faith. We don't know how God will do it but we have to have faith to believe that He can and that He wants to.

Leverage the power of email and the Internet for inspirational communication. You have the power to encourage the people in your groups regularly over email, facebook, myspace... The Internet is a powerful tool that we can use to constantly connect, encourage, strengthen and cast vision to the people we are caring for, about the future and who God sees them as. 

Well my wonderful friends and fellow small group facilitators... we are a part of something great. Something that here in Ottawa began with 12 and is now spreading through all ages, and statuses. We are a part of something significant in the Kingdom of God. What we do with these people has eternal value? All the “things” we work so hard to acquire in our lives is fleeting, all we get to take with us is what we invest into others. You small group leaders are ahead of the norm in your investment of people... but don't stop there... keep spreading your passion for Jesus and your passion for serving others because together we are making a significant difference.

I Am So Lonely

As a single Christian I am so lonely. All my friends have their husbands to talk to and II feel like I have no one to talk to about my faith or anything else for that matter.

The first thing I want to you do is to train yourself not to compare where you are at to others. Don't look at people who are married or dating or whatever and think... they have someone to talk to and I don't... it will get you no where and will not help you accomplish your dreams... You are not them... but you are you and God has you right where He wants you so don't look to the left or to the right just keep looking up...

But there is something you can do… If you feel that way... there are other people who feel that way... find those people and do something about it... Be the kind of person that when you see a problem you are not going to sit around and complain about it but you are going to do something about it... Ask the Lord what He wants you to do about that problem. The world is full of problems but we have everyone we need to find the solutions to our problems. Think bigger… dream God sized dreams… Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.

I Am Dependent on Food

I found your blog online and I was wondering if you could give me some more information on your fast that set you free from food addiction. I am not severely over weight, most would say I’ve a normal build and few extra pounds, but I know that my attitude to food is unhealthy. I know that this is something I need the lord to set me free from because I take my comfort from food instead of God- I am an emotional eater- if I bored, if I’m exited, if I’m nervous, if I depressed... I eat.

About 10 years ago I was 45 pounds heavier than I am now… So what happened between now and then?
I never thought of myself as someone with an eating addiction… that sounded so gross… after all it’s not like I would get up in the middle of the night and eat… I just liked to eat… always have and always will…

In fact it wasn’t until after I went on a food fast that I realized I had a problem. About 10 years ago I felt God call me to fast from food for 40 days. I told God that I would do this as long as I felt good. I still had to work everyday… I was a schoolteacher so I really needed my brain and my strength and as long as I could function normally I would continue this fast up to 40 days.

I did not fast to loose weight. I did not fast because I had an eating addiction. I fasted for breakthrough in my life personally, breakthroughs in my church, city and nation. I prayed for someone or something different each of the 40 days and I used the Bible as my source of “spiritual” strength and nourishment, 3 times a day in place of my 3 meals a day.

I felt good, strong, in fact even better than normal for all 40 days of my fast with the exception of the day 2-5… those were difficult to push through physically but after that God’s grace carried me through for the full 40 days.

Being set free from an eating addiction was something I realized later was part of the fruit of that fast. That fast was the beginning of a journey to truly understanding who I was in Christ, and who He said I was. It was the start of realizing that I had a purpose and mission to accomplish with my life. It was the beginning of me truly accepting God love for me and embracing His grace as being enough, being all I needed.

As a result of those things God changed me. He changed me so drastically that all the areas of my life that were out of whack began to line up. The eating addiction was only one of many things I was set free from.

All that to say that going on a fast to lose weight or to deal with an eating addiction is not enough of a reason. God doesn’t care how much you weigh. Your weight is not standing in the way of you fulfilling your purpose from God’s side of the picture. If you are praying about going on a fast then make sure your reasons are significant eternally, not self seeking. Ask the Lord to search your heart and purify your desires to see how they fit in with the plans and the purpose He has for your life.

You were created for much more than emotional eating. You serve a God who sent His son to pay for your stress, anxiety, pain, struggles and freedom. Freedom is yours for the taking… Setting yourself apart in a time of fasting and prayer is remarkable sacrifice that leads to unforeseen breakthroughs in your life and the lives of the people around you. So if you need to go on a fast then make sure you are doing to see God’s purposes realized and not simply your own, i.e. to lose weight.

My prayer for you is that God would begin you on a journey of enlarging your vision. I pray that you would begin to entertain thoughts of your significant purpose in the Kingdom of God. And as you begin to dream that God would lead you on a journey that may or may not include a long fast, but that will lead you to complete and utter reliance on Him. You will not accomplish this mission without Him and you will not be able to overcome these barriers, like an eating addiction, with out Him.

Surrender to His leading, guiding and love for you. He passionately loves you and has created you for so much more.

I Can't Get Over My Past

I can’t seem to get over the pain of my past. I feel like my past is a burden to me.

You have a powerful story and somewhere along the way you believed a lie that you have to pay for the sins of your past. The shame that you carry for the "bad" things you have done and the burden of the sin of your past is not from God. God sent Jesus to pay for those sins with a very high price... His life... that price more than covers your sin no matter how bad you think it might be. You holding onto shame from your past gives power to the struggle and hinders the power of what Christ has done for you... You have all authority over the past and your pain and your shame. Shame is not from God... He gives you grace and grace in abundance.  His grace is sufficient for you....

You have a powerful story... a very powerful story and God wants to use the very specific things you have done to bring Him glory. He wants to use the things you have done to set people free from the very same things you struggled with. This is a part of a process that God has you on to deal with the things in your past. And that process is different for everyone... Some people need prayer of deliverance, some people need to make restitution, some people need to forgive themselves... it's very different for everyone.

The Super Mario Family

This was posted by accident in September but I really wanted to post it now... So I decided to post it again...

This year our Fall Festival theme is Jesus is my Super Hero. So all the kids get to come dressed in their favorite super hero costumes.

The boys decided that we would go as the Super Mario Family. Tref will be Super Mario, Parker will be Luigi, Emma will be Princess Peach and Ally will be Baby Peach. Jason is going to be the father of the Super Mario family… “Super Jario”… and I will be the Mother… “Super Lario.” Yes we made them up.

We will make a memory for sure.

Why not make the Fall Festival an opportunity for the whole family to make a great memory. I dare you Mom’s and Dad’s to dress up too!

Who are you going as for the Fall Festival this year?

My Husband is Holding Me Back

How do I deal with bitterness and resentment towards my husband? I want so many things and he doesn’t seem to want any of them? I feel like he is standing in the way of my dreams.


Jason and I have been married for 13 years. And many many times over the years I have felt angry about the way things were. I didn't like this or I didn't like that... the having kids issue was a huge one but there have been many others. A great practical tool that has helped me get through these times is the book... The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormy Omartian. When I find myself, bitter, angry, resentful about something that is happening in our marriage I begin praying through that book. And every single time without fail my heart towards Jason begins to change. As I pray for him in every area of his life my eyes are changed and I see my own struggle instead of seeing him as the problem.

You will have everything you desire. But give your desires to the Lord. When I say give them I literally mean give them up... let go of them... trust your God with your very heart's desire. Lay it down as a sacrifice of love and trust that He knows what you need. Every time I have really ached for something in my life I have only received it after a point of surrender. And let me warn you... after surrender before the fulfillment, comes a season of grief. You will grieve the loss of the dream you allowed to define you. That doesn't mean you will never see the dream come true but you stop trying to make it happen and trust that God's plans are even greater than yours.

This is not an easy process... you will probably cry a lot... you probably already have... Letting go is very hard... but letting go is the key to your freedom. Trust Him... He is worthy of your trust... He loves you more than life.

Believing that your husband or anyone else for that matter is holding you back from your purpose is a lie from the pit of hell. No one can stand in the way of God’s purposes in your life. No one can be an obstacle to your destiny except for you. I think what happens to us more often than not is we think a certain path is our purpose or destiny and there are people standing in the way of that path but if we really seek the Lord we might find that God wants to do something different.

We must not look so much at the task or job we are doing but focus on being the person God created us to be while doing the task or job we are doing. When we allow God to fashion and mold us into the person He wants us to be, no matter what we do we will find fulfillment and significance.

Are you allowing obstacles to stand in your way?